Prologue
The mind is like a song. Some
people may find the sound it makes beautiful, or inspiring. Some dance to the
music letting it wash over them like a hot shower on a cold winter morning. For
some, this music is an essential characteristic of life. Those people sing
about the colors and feelings of the rainbow and their song becomes a gift to
treasure, a gift to give.
However, there are those who may
not like the beat. They find the sound it makes unsettling or upsetting.
Perhaps these people cannot distinguish the tone; maybe the volume is a touch
too loud. Possibly it’s the lyrics themselves, which are full of sinister
interpretations and frightening meanings. These people close their eyes and
block their ears desperately trying to silence this sound, this unforgiving
melody.
The difficulty is trying to explain
the difference. When one person is so obviously overcome by joy and moved by
this simple pleasure, how can someone else find the strength to confess that
they’ve never heard a more unappealing sound and would sell their soul if only to
mute it? How do you tell someone lost in the pure ecstasy of the mind’s rhythm that
this particular song is killing you?
Part I:
The Shuffle
It is possible for even the most deeply disturbed and desperately
unbalanced among us to be a beautiful person.
-George Howe Colt
Chapter 1
It’s the middle of the
night as James expertly maneuvers his way through the many winding corridors of
Mayview Hospital. He hears the screams of the damaged crying out to him, asking
for help, love and many other impossible things. James continues walking determinedly.
He tells himself he must not stop until he finds the clues he’s looking for,
clues that will lead him to the answers he knows are there. Eve has given him
clear instructions; there is a way out, a way out for everyone.
As he carefully looks around
the hospital he notices nothing out of the ordinary. He can’t find his
flashlight or gun. He must have misplaced them, he tells himself. Eve tells him
not to worry and to keep going. Luckily, the moonlight shining through the
evenly spaced windows is bright enough to light the way.
James sees the familiar
outline of the television area. Tomorrow there will be the same tedious
arguments about what to watch and what to ignore. It’s a futile world here, an
endless circle of disappointment. He must keep looking; these people cannot be
kept in this facility, treated like sick rats, any longer. If only he knew what
it was he was searching for.
Suddenly he hears a
noise. His trained ears tell him someone is approaching from the other end of
the corridor. James quickly hides behind one of the couches in the rest area.
He almost trips on the wire of a lamp, but by instinct manages to find his
balance. He waits calmly, slowing his breathing and concentrating his senses in
the event of an ambush. He hears voices now. Eve tells him to stay silent, to
stay focused. He abides.
“Here’s your room,
honey.” He recognizes Delores and her southern accent. James notices she’s
making an effort to be especially kind. He realizes Delores is showing a new patient
to their room. Strange, he thinks, it’s well past two in the morning. It’s a
good thing he was scouting the area tonight; Eve must have known something was
afoot when she gave him his instructions earlier.
“Try to get some rest,
and tomorrow we’ll give you a proper tour of the place. We’re happy to have you
here with us, dear. If you need anything you just call for ol’ Delores and I’ll
be right along to help you. Call for anything at all.” James listens for the
door to shut and the soft patter of Delores’s shoes to fade. The coast is clear
once more.
James slips out from
behind his hiding place and makes his way to door of the new patient. There is
no window on the door, or on the wall, so he listens intently to the sounds
coming from within. As expected, all that rebounds is the cold, empty sound of
solitude and loneliness. It’s a sound unrecognizable by most, but to James it’s
further evidence of why his mission is so important. He must free these poor
souls from the torment this facility has shrouded them in.
He keeps his head against the door for a
minute longer than he intends. He feels unexpectedly connected to this one, like
it’s personal somehow. There’s a beating heart on the other side of the door.
He shakes the feeling away. He can’t let his emotions intrude his work ethic,
something Eve constantly reminds him of.
James decides he should
continue in the direction Delores left. Intuition tells him he may find the
secrets of the Mayview Hospital if he does. Stealthily sneaking down the
hallway and around the corner, he eventually finds himself in the administrative
sector of the hospital. He’s been here before, but not after hours. There’s a
door marked ‘Authorized Personnel Only.’ He scouts the area to make sure he’s
alone, and then proceeds ahead. Eve encourages him.
He tries the doorknob
but, as expected, it’s locked. No matter, as a secret agent he’s prepared for
scenarios like this. He reaches into his pocket and finds the pen he grabbed
earlier, congratulating himself on his foresight. He gets down on one knee and
fiddles with the lock to no avail. He concludes the door must have some sort of
superior locking system. The operation must be more serious than he originally
thought.
“James! What in
heaven’s name are you doing? Haven’t I told you before? You are not allowed in
this room! Why aren’t you in bed?” Delores shouts at him.
Startled, James drops
the pen and makes a run for it. Dammit, he’s been spotted. He considers fighting
Delores and stealing her keys. Eve counsels him that it’s not the best idea — far
better to distance himself from the scene of the crime. He can continue his
mission another night.
He keeps running and
Delores dutifully chases after him, tits to the wind, but still far behind — he’s
twenty-five and in his prime, she’s at least twice his age and overweight by
sight. He easily reaches the end of the hallway in a few quick strides and
turns to see Delores leaning against a doorframe to regain her breath. “James! Would
you ... would you … slow … down?” She finally manages. He almost feels bad for
her. Almost.
He rounds the corner
and leaves Delores to weigh the benefits of trying to catch him, or trying to
catch her breath. In his haste he’s turned down a one-way corridor, home to some
of the more difficult patients’ bedrooms. Trapped, he thinks.
Then he sees it. He
sees the thing he fears most in the entire world. His insides still and his
skin grows cold. The panic begins to claw at him, slowly from the edges. Like
sharp nails and shards of glass the panic rips into him. The lights get
brighter, time moves faster. He hears a strange panting sound, and realizes
it’s coming from him. He leans on the wall, much like Delores only seconds
before, and closes his eyes. Eve. He tries to call to her.
“Eve … Eve…. EVE!” He screams.
The room begins to spin and dark spots cloud his vision. There’s a tingling
sensation running all along his skin and he’s sure there’s not a soul in the
world that can’t hear the terrified pounding of his heart. James slides to the
floor, with his hands over his eyes, still calling out for help. Eve is gone.
“EVE! WHY WON’T YOU ANSWER ME?”
“Honey, honey, calm
down. Just try to relax. I need some help
in the East wing, patient agitated and distressed.” Delores calls into her
spectra link phone. She’s calling the others.
His heart beats faster,
an almost impossible feat. The thought of more of them coming for him engulfs
him entirely. The panic is total. Delores bends down and tries to steady him as
he lashes out. He’s blind. The world is gone, there is only fear. They’re after
him, he must stop them. He’s alone. Eve has abandoned him.
“James I’m trying to
help you. James? James, can you hear me? You need to breathe honey. In. Out.
In. Out. Come on honey, you have to try.” The sound of running footsteps seizes
him. He’s now in the fetal position, rocking and screaming, his eyes squeezed
tightly shut, seeing only that familiar abyss.
“He’s here. He’s
unresponsive,” he hears Delores say.
The footsteps are all
around him. They will kill him. They’re killing him. Don’t they understand they
can’t hurt him any worse than it hurts already? A man now tries to grab him, as
another circles him from behind. At any moment the world will end. “James? We
need you to try to calm down for us. We need you to ... FUCK! Fuck! He broke my
nose. He broke my goddamned nose! Can someone call a fucking Code White
already?”
Time moves quickly now.
There are more voices, more hands, more demands and protocols. He’s a wild
animal in his cage, whose entire existence is defined by his captors. The sharp
prick of a needle finds him. Like a snake it coils inside him, searching for
his mind. As the enemy straps him down, the snake is inside him, cozying up to
his most intimate thoughts. She spits her poison everywhere, and James drowns
in its toxins. Blackness, like he’s never imagined, swallows him.
Finally, he blacks out.
~*~*~*~*~
James
wakes up with a pounding headache. His mouth is dry and his muscles are stiff.
History tells him he’s been placed under monitored care. He sees a breakfast
tray beside his bed and wonders who his nurse is. If it’s Timothy he stands a
chance of getting out of this room before noon, but if it’s Delores then forget
about it. She’ll insist on an evaluation from the staff doctor before he lifts
a finger.
He
lies still for a while, enjoying the stillness of his brain. He’s calm, and
suspects this is a residual effect of some exceptionally heavy medication. The
room is small and bright, but he doesn’t mind. The window is large and provides
James with a glimpse of something other than the walls of Mayview. In fact, he
finds the view quite nice. The snow outside is probably the last the season
will see until spring swoops in, with its rainy days and summer promises.
There’s
a knock at the door and Timothy enters. James wonders if he’s relieved.
“Heya buddy. Good to see you awake.” Timothy
is the definition of a jolly fellow. He’s taller than James, but carries
himself with such cautious reservation — like he’s forever apologetic for any
possible intrusions. He smiles widely, and James appreciates the sincerity of
his concern.
“Hey
Timothy, be straight with me, how bad is it?” James sees this question makes
Timothy uncomfortable, which tells him things got pretty out of control last
night.
“Oh,
not so bad James, not so bad. We all have our rough patches, and you ain’t no
different than the rest of us.”
“You’re a terrible liar,
Timothy. I don’t know if anyone’s ever told you that.” James is sure he sees
Timothy begin to blush, despite the darkness of his skin.
“Everyone will forget about it in no time,
you’ll see buddy, you’ll see. We just gotta keep positive and keep our heads on
straight. Now how about gettin’ you fed? You haven’t touched your breakfast and
with what they stuck you with last night your stomach must be as raw as a skinned
banana.” This manages to elicit a smile from James.
Timothy
brings the breakfast tray over to James after checking his vitals and giving
him his meds. James doesn’t have the willpower to fight today, so he swallows
them without hesitation. Timothy, watching this, visibly relaxes; James understands
he’s probably expecting him to snap. James sizes Timothy up and considers how
pointless a fight with him would be. He could likely hold James down with one
hand and direct a string quartet with the other.
“Alright
buddy, I’ll be back in a little while to check on ya. I gotta go see how our
new admission is doing.”
James almost chokes on
his orange juice.
“You
alright buddy? You okay?” Timothy attentively wipes up the juice James has
scattered everywhere.
“Yeah.
No, I’m fine. I’m fine.” He forgot about the new admission. Well, if he’s being
honest, he thought he imagined her. “What’s her story, Tim? What brings her to
this magical place?”
“Well,
she got a past she’s trying to get away from and a future she’s trying to get
to, just like me and you James. Ain’t no more to it than that. You be nice to
her she … hey, how you know it’s a her anyways?” Timothy looks at James with
the barest trace of skepticism.
James
reflects on the question, a bit surprised himself. “Just a feeling I had,” and
begins to eat his food with sudden feigned interest and intention.
Timothy studies him for
a second longer, but finally shrugs and leaves, promising to come back soon. James
finishes his meal quickly and looks back out the window. It’s a beautiful day,
he decides.
